Beast of Burden
by DaliDahmer
Summary: Hermione's litany of secrets start coming to light during her 6th year as she struggles to maintain her life without her friends discovering everything she's kept from them. Harry/Hermione AU WARNING: This story deals with very sensitive issues such as substance abuse and sexual assault. M for a reason, you've been warned!
1. Camel

**A/N:** This is a very Hermionecentric story and contains very graphic depictions of rape. It also covers sensitive topic issues such as sexual assault, and substance abuse. You have been warned. Also, I'm revising each of these chapters. Sorry if you're getting annoying notifications. I wasn't feeling the story first time around so I'm adding in a lot of things, and fixing up the holes and loose ends to the best of my ability. Thank y'all for your patience with this!

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter, I'm poor.

Decorated nick knacks tastefully displayed over shelves and freshly painted walls accentuated by the still pictures of what seemed to be a normal muggle family adorned the walls of a quaint country home. Any onlooker would have passed 1202 Tadworth Drive without a second thought. The air hung heavy under the smiling faces in the frames, where the Granger family sat on expensive furniture, painting a very different portrait.

A somewhat older woman with somewhat tamed bushy blonde hair and green eyes, who would have been much more attractive had her face not been flushed with her fourth drink that night. Mrs. Granger was silently drinking scotch with small sips in quick succession as her dismayed husband was sorrowfully breaking very terrible news to the couple's teenage daughter.

Hermione's heart sunk to her stomach. Her knuckles were white from the grip she had on her chair. When her parents both came to her and asked to speak in the sitting room, Hermione had a very ominous feeling as to what this may be about.

"Hermione... we know we said we wouldn't bring him back here when you left for your fourth year. We know how bad things were then. You have to understand, though. He has no where to go and he's my child as much as you are." Said a middle aged man with graying brown hair and brown eyes, confirming his daughters fears.

"He's 25, dad." Hermione croaked, she didn't have much control over her voice. She very much doubted her protests would change her parent's minds.

"Darling, he's trying to get his life back on track. He's just been released from a half way house. His mother killed herself a few months back. Your mother and I talked about it, and it will probably be for a year as he saves up for his own place." Continued Mr. Granger who was searching his mind for rationalizations for his daughter, but coming up short.

Hermione couldn't even speak. Crookshanks sat in her lap purring in futile attempts to comfort his distressed owner. He looked upon her as if to figure out how to feel himself. Hermione's breath quickened and her ears buzzed. Her expression was not lost on her parents.

"Poppet, I understand how you feel," her father started carefully, and he awkwardly tried to place a hand on his daughter's shoulder. "This will not be like the last few times, I promise. I've installed locks on your doors," her father haphazardly reassured.

Hermione scoffed, shrugging her father's hand off of her and jumping from her seat which skidded roughly on the wooden floor underneath it. Crookshanks jumped off her lap and made a bee line towards her bedroom.

"You can't possibly think, I'm going to be enduring this again! You promised, dad! You promised me you would only have him back home when I can stay with the Weasley's! You said after he turned 18 he wouldn't even be back here!" Hermione's fingers rushed to her eyes and frantically wiped away her tears. She felt almost certain she was beginning to have a heart attack.

"Hermione, please don't start," her mother interjected as if her daughter were complaining about being told to do chores. "He has no where to go. What do you expect us to do? Your father has an obligation to both of you. It's just out of our hands!" Hermione's mother paused to take a gulp of her drink. She closed her eyes and massaged her hands over them, stopping at her scalp grabbing handfuls of hair.

"Don't go making this anymore difficult for us. I'm sure the Weasley's will invite you over soon, you know they will. Just stick it out until then. It won't be that bad. If you had just gotten an owl in your fourth year instead of that bloody cat, you would be able to ask them yourself, you know." Said her mother bitterly, Hermione chose to ignore that last bit.

"But you know! You know what happens! You know how sick he is! Why-"

"Stop it!" Hermione's mother interrupted banging her glass on the table. "We're not discussing this anymore, what else do you want us to do, Hermione? Robert will be here in the morning. You will only be here for a few weeks, if that. His mother killed herself, he has no where to go. He has no other family, like I said, we had no other choice. Don't you think it would rise suspicions if we turned away your father's own son?" Her mother said, Hermione's jaw fell open.

"You could have taken him in or you could have turned him away! Are you seriously still more worried of what your colleagues might think, than your own biological daughter?!" Hermione said her voice steadily raising to the point of yelling.

Hermione's mum stood up, "don't you EVER take that tone with me! Do you think you're the only one who has to make sacrifices!? You get to go away for most of the year, Hermione. We are the one's stuck here dealing with this," she shouted gesturing between herself and Hermione's father. "When you're out flying on broomsticks and making love potions with your friends, we're here dealing with him. Do you think we want to be here?"

Hermione bit her tongue and breathed heavily through her nostrils to keep the barrage of fury from spilling from her mouth. She knew her parent's were not going to be reasoned with, but she still wanted to make her feelings known. Accustomed to her mother's dismissal of the severity of her daughters situation, and her father's denial, the fact that she was outright being belittled and yelled at for protesting her brother living in her home set a fire of rage off inside of her.

"You have no idea what you're talking about! You have no idea how hard I work in school, or what I go through at Hogwarts! I don't need this, mum!" Her voice steadily gaining volume to rival her mother's shouting.

"OH, SO YOU THINK I DO?! LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE!" Hermione's mother flung her arm to gesture around their home. She finished her drink off and inhaled deeply. She paused to calm herself dawn while her daughter was conjuring more verbal ammunition in her head to quail her mother's pathetic attempts at shifting the blame onto her.

"We try to give you everything. We pay for all of those books, even after that one from your third year tried to bite me! We fund everything you need for that school we're not even allowed to see! Why can't you just appreciate what we do for you, Hermione? We let you spend all summer with the Weasley's." Hermione stayed silent and glared daggers at her mother, who seemed quite more offended.

"We've taken you on ski trips for Chrissake! Do you know what I got for a Christmas holiday when I was that age?" Mrs. Granger scathed. "We had to visit my senile grandmother in Wales and my mum made me sleep in a car that Christmas. We certainly didn't have a home like this! We lived in a 2 bedroom apartment." Mrs. Granger paused to look for a response from her daughter, and grew more angry as the guilt trip seemed to have minimal effect, if any, on Hermione whose eyes narrowed and her lips curled in disgust.

"You always have to focus on the negative. Your father has two children, you know! I know that it's hard, I do. I understand that you're going through a lot, and your father has a lot of responsibility for that." Mrs Granger bit, her gaze turned to Hermione's dad who pushed his chair back and stomped out of the living room, and slammed the door in his wake.

Her mum sighed, "we know it's hard, it's hard on all of us. It's even hard on him. He's troubled. We're doing our best to fix this within our family. You have so much, Hermione. More than you probably realized. Just focus on what we do for you!" Her mother finished callously, and poured herself another drink.

Hermione had a lot more trouble biting her tongue as anger bubbled up inside of her. She felt like she was on fire,"So that's that then? You're going to sit here and drink yourself stupid while I have to try and negate an obstacle course of sexual harassment?" Hermione snapped venomously, she breathed hard to keep her voice steady amongst her hysterics.

Mrs. Granger gulped her drink back and poured another. "What did I say about talking to me like that? Have you listened to nothing else, I've said?"

"Look at what you're inviting this into my life, to live in our home. Oh, I'm so sorry you have to drink, and work, and wallow in your own self pity. Mind you, it is absolutely BIZARRE that yourself is all you can think about while you're letting your own daughter get ra-"

"SHUT UP!" Her mother harshly interjected slamming her glass on the coffee table. Hemione's jaw clamped shut as her eyes bored into her mother's murky green gaze. The older woman miserably collapsed into her chair. "Just go to your room," her mum demanded. She breathed in heavily, her lip quivering and she made a show of wiping her tears, "I'm not talking about this anymore, Hermione!" She finished amongst her theatrical sobs.

Hermione shook her head and stomped up the stairs slamming her door closed behind her so hard the concussion caused a vase perched ontop of her bookshelves to fall and break. She examined the locks her father mentioned. He had put five different ones on the inside of her door, as if her room was the only place she had ever been attacked.

Hermione scoffed but locked every one in spite of herself, before she heard a knock on her door. Crookshanks was rubbing himself on her ankles and purring with a curious expression on his face.

"Poppet?" Her father tried hesitantly, "darling, please. I'm not mad, I just want to... Hermione, can I come in?"

Hermione stayed silent and considered whether or not she should. She inhaled deeply and let her breath out slowly and began to slam the dead bolts back, and only opened the door as far as the chain would allow it.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione," he pleaded, through the door crack. Hermione glared back examining her father. His face looked flushed, ascewing his once charming features into a puffy mess of red blotches underneath graying neglected facial hair and wrinkles. He was hunched by the door way and his eyes were red and crying. He seemed quite a bit drunk himself. Though more timid and vulnerable than Hermione's mother, without the protection of his sober emotional abstinence.

"So you're just going to drink your _obligation_ away, too, I see?" She jabbed, bitterly as she echoed her mother's sentiments.

Her father looked at his feet and began sobbing."His mother told me, 11 years ago her boyfriend had been molesting him." Mr. Granger bemoaned sorrowfully, " I thought I could help one of my kids. I didn't know that my little girl-" his uncontrollable wails cut off his sentence as he balanced himself on her door way and crumpled pitifully to the floor. "I didn't know what I was doing, baby, I'm so, so, so sorry," he finished miserably.

Hermione slammed the door to disconnect the chain, startling her father in the process. She opened it and reemerged to crouch to her father's level and placed a hand on his back.

"You know exactly what you're doing now, " Hermione reasoned, clinically void of emotion.

Her father hugged her, Hermione allowed him but didn't return the gesture.

"Poppet, you don't ever have to forgive me. I'm so sorry, I love you, Hermione, I'm so sorry!" He wailed over and over again though his apology was too little too late, Hermione sighed and managed to convince the pathetic weeping blob in front of her door to get himself to bed.

She turned back to her door, redid the locks and tried to fall asleep herself

ooo

The next day Hermione paced around her room frantically, digging through her drawers and closet, grabbing every piece of winter clothing she could find, dizzying crookshanks who followed her movements with his head.

She Layered several sports bras, undershirts, and sweaters underneath each other and managed to get three leggings on underneath her skirt in anticipation for today. She has not seen her brother since the summer after her 3rd year, and her father left to pick him up an hour ago. She couldn't sit still, thoughts and memories flashed like lightening across her mind's eye clashing one after the other like a hurricane in her brain.

Hermione was trying to find one of her thickest winter jackets, and came across an old medicine bottle.

Her mother had given her xanax a few times the last summer Robert stayed with them. Since the Weasley's were in Egypt and Hermione had no where to escape her brother's perversion, her mother supplied her with a prescription of the highest miligram of I-don't-give-a-shit bars she could write for. At first she resented her mother for drugging her instead of taking action against her brother's brutality, but soon became quite infatuated with the feeling of ease and comfort they provided.

She considered taking one but really wanted to be fully allert when-

Her door knob turned violently snapping Hermione out of her thoughts, Crookshanks hid under her bed and hissed. Hermione put the bottle back in the drawer and surveyed the room for her best viable option.

She almost made a move for her wand, which she kept on her person, but stopped dead in her tracks. Hermione was not of age, what if she was expelled? What if she had to deal with this for another year without taking refuge at Hogwarts?

Her door knob clashed violently, and her assailant began banging on the door. "Mione, I know you're in there, love. Aren't you going to say hello? It's been years, open up!" Came the unmistakeable voice of Robert through the wooden door.

She made her way for the pieces of the broken vase sprawled across her floor and picked up the base end. She plucked up as much of her courage as she could and headed towards her door.

Every tiny ounce of courage she had in her seemed to disappear with every lock she unturned. She held the vase shards over her head as finally, she opened the door at chain length and met brown eyes uncannily similar to her own.

A tall stocky young man approaching 25, with acne scars stepped into view. His smile was warm and would have fooled anyone who hadn't been subjected to his brutality before. He chuckled at her shaking his head. His expression swiftly chained as if a mask flew off of his face as it tightened into a malignant scowl as he simultaneously whipped an arm out to make a point of the tension and yanked the door practically out of Hermione's hands. The chain lock snapped out of its screws.

Hermione swore for letting him get the better of her, and darted a few feet backwards. He slammed her door shut, his grin returned as quickly as it had fallen as he snapped each lock shut curtly. Stopping to wink at Hermione right before the last lock sealed her fate.

Hermione's breath was caught in her throat, sweat beaded at her forehead and soaked through the first two layers of Hermione's undergarments. She suddenly felt like she weighed a million stones.

"There's my girl," He spoke with his voice low, you could practically hear his grin maliciously punctuating the statement.

He stalked towards her, slow as torture. Hermione took a step back for every one he took forward until she was cornered against the wall.

"Aww..." Robert pouted, "that's my hello?"

"Enough! Don't! JUST DON'T!" Hermione screamed, she was trying with everything in her to make her voice loud enough to grab her parents attention.

Her brother was chuckling at her desperation. Robert screamed at the top of his lungs. "You'd think those two were as deaf as they were drunk," he said, his voice now quite a bit more hoarse. His footsteps had stopped. He was now towering over Hermione and she whimpered pathetically and melted into a weak sniveling ball of submission in the corner of her bedroom holding her vase in front of her.

"Come on, love, set that down. You don't have it in you to stab anyone." He crouched over her.

Hermione was almost crawling up the wall, her free hand shakily hovering over the wand in her back pocket. "You filled out since I last saw you." He said perversion laced each word he whispered. "But I want to get to that, later," Robert was almost completely against her now, he made a hand towards her ass and grabbed her wand. Hermione couldn't hold back a sob as he held it in front of her.

"Want to show me some tricks, love?" He mocked moving her wand between her legs.

Hermione finally reared the shard back and stabbed her brother hard in the shoulder. Robert shouted in pain and ripped the glass from his shoulder.

"Seriously?! What the fuck, Hermione?" He growled coming at her with the shard himself.

"DAD!" Hermione screamed hopelessly.

"DAAAAD!" Robert competed at the top of his lungs, his face red with rage.

"I thought you were the bright one, Mione!? It's just you and me for as long as they can avoid it," he shouted. He stood up, extending a hand to help up his sister which was rejected. He easily snatched his sister up by her jacket and roughly sawed at her over coat, as Hermione pathetically whimpered.

" Do you really think this would stop me? Don't get cute, it doesn't suit you. You'll be a lot happier this summer if you would just quit being such a stubborn bitch. You gave everything to me, Mione, EVERYTHING. Don't you ever forget that." He said each word he spoke more driven by his insanity than the last. He peeled the sweater off of her while she struggled beneath him like a fly in the claws of a house cat.

He continued sawing off each layer of clothing. The glass left several cuts on Hermione's body as he went through each shirt, bra, and sweater.

Hermione's eyes darted across the room, the Grangers lived in a country house with no neighbors for at least 5 miles. No one but her parents could hear them. She grew more panicked and her lip trembled as she tried to stifle her sobs. Robert grabbed her by her last shirt and kissed her roughly before pushing her back against the wall.

"I want to see you in something practical by dinner time, you'd do well to mind me." He said, tossing the vase by Hermione's side leaving his sister to sob alone in the corner of her room.

Hermione was a shaky mess and her whole body shook as she cried. Crookshanks crawled out from her bed and curled himself on her lap after the stairs stopped creaking under Robert's weight, and she was brought back to sense.

She gathered herself up to her door and repeated locking it several times. This just wasn't fair! Her mind was shouting. Hermione sat on her bed at a loss. It was as if the walls of her life were slowly closing in on her and there was no way out. The only option Hermione felt she ever had was to endure. At least for a few weeks.

ooo

Hermione hid in her room for most of the day. Eventually need for water and the toilet made her realize she couldn't stay holed up in there forever. Hermione could hear her family assembling for dinner downstairs. She decided to take her chances Valley of the Dolls style and popped a few pills.

Perhaps she could make herself not care or forget this summer entirely. Hermione counted her pills and wondered how many she would have to take to die. She shut her eyes and thought about Ron and Harry, and how many people Harry had lost. She knew she couldn't do that to her dearest friends.

She took two of the pills and stuffed the rest away. She had to give this to the muggles, she thought. No potion has ever compared to the inexplicable euphoria. The storm inside her head began to clear. Within minutes terrifying thoughts about Robert and hurting herself settled to the back of her brain like snowflakes on a serene winter day. A bang at her window startled her out of her thoughts, but as she went to investigate the sound she almost squeeled in delight as she opened the window for Pig.

 _Hermione,_

 _How's your summer going? Do you think you're going to come stay with us soon? Ginny is probably looking forward to some estrogen in this house. Harry came over earlier this week. I know we're just a few weeks into summer, but we usually hear from you within the first three days! Let us know when you're ready to come over, you know we can't do Snape's summer assignments without you._

 _Ron_

She clutched the letter in her hands and dashed to the kitchen. Her father was picking at his meal and gulping dark liquid from his tumbler. Her mother was pouring another drink herself and rolled her eyes and sighed when she saw Hermione. "Just lock your doors, for Chrissake! I told you I didn't want to hear any more protests from you, Hermione." She slurred before her daughter could speak to her.

"No, mum. Look!" Hermione said shoving the note in her face. Her mother strained to focus on it, but ultimately looked relieved. "See? All is well, I'll take you in the morning."

" I just got to see you!" Robert whined, getting both his sister's and step mother's attention.

"Well, off to bed then! Busy day tomorrow. Take care, poppet. I'll see you next summer." Her father said very much rushed to kiss the top of her head and rushed up the stairs. Hermione narrowed her eyes at him. He couldn't get out of there fast enough.

The door to her father's study shut hastily and Robert cleared his throat to demand the Granger women's attention, "maybe I ought to take you, Mione?" Robert grinned menacingly. Her mother's eyes were wide and she took another sip of her drink.

"Robert, either your father will, or I will," she spat.

Hermione's heart quickened in her chest. Her mother could not, or more accurately would not defend her for much longer, and it was very probable at worst she would just provoke him.

"I'll talk to dad about it in the morning," Robert threatened, reminding Hermione quite a bit of Malfoy.

Mrs. Granger avoided his gaze and sheepishly sipped from her glass. "Hermione, come with me, there's something I want to give you. I'll see you in the morning, Robert," she said. Surprising her daughter as she grabbed her arm and successfully shewed her brother up to his room and pulled Hermione into hers.

"Well, you're welcome," snapped her mother bitterness dripping through her tone as she closed and locked her door behind them.

Hermione's expression soured, had her mother expected a 'thank you'?

"I got this for you, love," she said, changing her demeanor before her daughter could retaliate and grabbed an orange bottle that rattled as she pulled it off of the shelf and gave it to her daughter.

"I had a friend at the chemist of our practice fill these for you. I can get more when you need them, I can owl them to your school. Just one more night here. One more night and I promise we will take you to the Weasley's. Take one and try to sleep." She demanded.

Hermione examined the bottle, it was a month's worth of xanax. Hermione sighed, she supposed her mother meant well. "Thanks, mum," she said softly, "I'm going to bed now."

She turned to leave her mother to her drink and own supply of benzos.

ooo

She went to brush her teeth before bed. Perhaps she could make it through tonight without any- the shower curtain violently ripped away before she could finish her thought. Robert leapt from the tub and jumped her. Hermione's forehead hit the corner of the sink hard enough to split the skin, and her stomach hit the tile of the bathroom as Robert forced himself on top of her.

Hermione screamed loudly but no one came, no one ever came.

Hermione could vaguely make out her parent's arguing voices from down stairs.

"DAD PLEASE! HE COULD KILL ME PLEASE!" Hermione screamed.

" _Are you seriously leaving_?" Hermione heard her mother shout followed by a door slam.

Hermione cried harder and Robert laughed.

They both knew their dad and Hermione's mum would ignore screams as they ignored bruises. They both knew she was completely powerless. Until she could use her magic outside of school there were not a lot of options in front of Hermione, even then, she didn't even have a wand.

He ripped off her shirt and through three bras, "Cute," he growled, "really cute. You're going to regret that. You know better!"

Hermione could feel her lip quiver. Her head was bleeding slightly and her ears rung. Her body was like silly putty being tossed, and manipulated by Robert. She tried to grab his hands away in protest, but he was so much stronger than she was.

"Shhh, be a good girl, baby. You're always gonna be my good girl, right?" Robert was panting a bit at the effort it took to restrain and force Hermione, but he persevered.

Hermione avoided looking at his face, or body, or her reflection in the spotless shine of the bathroom fixtures, or tiles, or mirrors for that matter. She willed herself to be somewhere else. His taunts, touching and probing blurred together and soon his voice sounded like it was coming from under water.

His demands were incomprehensibly jarbled and she felt like silly putty and couldn't quite grasp the way her body felt anymore. Like clouds that contained her sensation of sight and touch were drifting above her body, and the reflections in the pristine porcelain looked like a television show rather than herself.

She imagined herself on adventures with Harry and Ron, in her favorite chair in the Gryffindor common room, watching her friends play a quidditch match at the Burrow, with Ginny at the three broomsticks. She was anywhere else but here. She can't feel, see, or hear anything in her immediate surrounding. She barely felt as if she was present and could physically touch things, but at the same time she was not there. It was like a dream.

The wet blood on her forehead contrasted against her day dreams. A hot rush against her back and weight lifted off on her made way for reality and the fog began to dissipate.

She was almost lucid again by the time Robert violently forced her to kiss him and pulled himself off.

He helped his sister up, shushing her and rubbing her back as she cried. He ripped off some toilet paper and started to doctor the wound on her forehead. "You should really be more careful, love, what are you going to tell your little magic friends?" Robert said speaking as if nothing had just happened. He looked upon her, almost as if he was admiring a lovely picture he had just painted.

Hermione stayed silent. Robert looked annoyed, "no matter, we'll come up with something when I drop you off tomorrow. He said winking at her. Hermione collected her discarded clothing and bottle of xanax from the sink counter. She popped two, and went off to bed.


	2. Lion

**A/N** : All right, well I'm still revising this story, and probably will be for a while. I have the help of beta readers, who I want to thank again! I'm posting as I revise which is why you guys are probably getting notifications and no new chapters. I am a perfectionist and probably will come back to this and see more things I want to correct so sorry for annoying notifications but thank all of you who have stuckw ith me in spite of them. I've also been toying with the idea for a sequel or prequel but I'm not sure if that would even be a good direction to go in with this kind of story. We'll see if I can think of anything.

000

The next morning Hermione stirred in bed as the sounds of old boots creaking on top of the wooden floor boards echoed through her bedroom. Her heart was pounding so loudly she could hear it. She bolted awake in bed before she heard a knock at the door.

"Who is it?!" She questioned, squeekily. She cringed at the panicked pitch to her voice. She felt pathetic.

"It's me, Poppet." Came the voice of her father. Hermione didn't realize she was holding her breath until she let it out. She rolled her eyes, and relaxed a bit while her heartbeat steadied.

"I can give you a lift to the Burrow this morning. Hurry, we need to get going now." Her father said, but suspicion rose in her chest at how rushed he spoke his words.

She made her way out of bed, unlocked her door but dread reverburated through her body as she pulled the door back to reveal a menacing pock marked smile. Her head snapped towards her father and she narrowed her eyes as they pierced her father's own wilted gaze. He looked down guiltily, unable to meet his daughters contemptuous glare, meekly shrugging in response.

Robert rushed in front of his father who glared at him, he however continued to smile charmingly and lifted an end of Hermione's trunk. "Oh, can't I come, with you two Mione?" Robert begged as his father began lifting the other side. "How long has it been since we've taken a car ride together? I want to meet your friends." Robert whined he leaned in close to stroke Hermione's hair and their father visibly paled.

"Maybe see these two boys who are looking after my baby sister at school all year, eh?" His voice was so saccharine, it made her sick. He held her gaze the entire time he helped their father hoist her trunk. Hermione could have punched that smug smirk off of his face.

"Just help me with this trunk, Robert. Leave your sister alone." Mr. Granger snapped. Robert narrowed his eyes at their father and dropped his side of the trunk to stomped off downstairs, as if he were a four-year-old. Hermione rolled her eyes, feeling as if she could growl, and took Roberts place in helping her father with the heavy cargo.

After they loaded her trunk into the car, Hermione went back to her room to get Crookshanks. Upon entering, her door slammed closed and she turned to find Robert holding the pieces of her broken wand.

"Abracadabra!" He teased, pointing one of the fragments at her and slamming the door behind them. Crookshanks hissed from inside his cat carrier.

"Why do you do this?" Hermione demanded, though her voice was wilting and somewhat crestfallen. She didn't feel scared anymore, she just felt exhausted. She was pained by the thought that she'd have to look her friends dead in the eye fresh after a rape.

"Because you're mine." Robert smiled, a delighted twinkle sparkled in his brown eyes. He handed her the pieces of her wand back and suddenly wrapped his arms around her back, snaking his hands down her waist and hips as he forcibly hugged his sister. Hermione recoiled in response, but her squirms were simply ignored.

"You've gotten so big, love. I'm jealous to have to share you." Robert whispered into her ear. His breathe was hot against her skin and felt disgustingly sticky as it sprayed down her jaw and neck. " _Or your sweet little pussy_." He finished whispering dangerously, his voice so low Hermione would have thought imagined it if it weren't for one of his prodding hands moving down her ass and towards her inner thigh.

Hermione let out a loud choke of disgust, regaining some of her courage and shoved him off of her. "You're disgusting!" She shouted, snatching the pieces of her wand from him. Robert stayed still and smiling, he let his sister break away this time. He looked like he was about to say something but their father interrupted, peeking into the room.

Mr. Granger was frowning, a small bead of sweat coating his forehead and a worry line appearing at his brow. He turned his gaze to the ground, grabbed the cat carrier, and hurriedly escorted his daughter out.

"Are you okay?" He started hesitantly as the two descended down the staircase. Hermione shook her head. If she were to respond she was sure she would become hysterical. Instead she made a bee line for the door and to the car, getting her point across in her rush and silence. Mr. Granger held Crookshanks tight as he jogged after her.

Jumping into her passenger seat, Hermione fastened her belt. Angry tears were forming around her eyes and breathing normally was became increasingly challenging. Her father was already at the wheel and starting the engine. He casted a sympathetic look to his daughter before he backed out of their drive way. "Hermione, poppet. Are you okay?" He asked again timidly.

"I haven't been okay, in a really long time dad." She finally answered, gazing towards her bedroom window of which Robert was pearing out.

Her father followed her gaze and said nothing.

Hermione sat the two halves of her wand in her lap as the manicured lawn and freshly paint Granger home disappeared from view, successfully leaving Robert behind. Her heart ached at the broken sight of one of her most treasured possessions, and it was almost impossible to hold back the tears prickling in her eyes.

"I'll transfer some money into your Gringotts account. You can get yourself a new wand before the summer is over." Her father reassured, but Hermione could only nod with the lump in her throat choking her.

oooo

Hermione felt better once they were on the road for a while. Hermione did her best to try not to cry, and her father kept shooting her worried glances which Hermione swore she could feel burning her skin. It disgusted her.

"Hermione... I know your mother and I have made a lot of mistakes." Her father admitted somberly, his eyes now fixated on the road much to her relief.

Hermione just shook her head and pointedly gazed out the window.

Mr Granger continued, "I don't want you back at our house. I know it's not safe for you. Next summer, I'll-"

His words struck a chord with Hermione, and whatever force was keeping her silent dissipitated as she saw red, "Oh, so _I'M_ the child you kick out of your home?" She bit, and paused for a response but there was none.

"Are you insane? Are you and mum actually insane?" Hermione ranted prompted by her father's timid silence. "For the first three years you don't even believe me, then you spend 8 trying to convince me I'm the problem!? You protected him, he wasn't the one that you should have protected! Why?! Why did you keep letting him? I think I deserve an explanation!" Hermione's voice was beginning to crack and her words ran into each other as she lost control over how upset she is.

Mr. Granger nodded, his eyes became glassy and watered up, "I know you deserved better parents. We should have never put you in this situation. Maybe when you have children one day you will understand. I just wanted to save you both under my roof. I had missed out on your brother's life for 13 years and I knew I had to repair what I had damaged. If I had known..." He trailed off, he was beginning to sob a little harder now, he pulled the car over as tears began to cloud his vision and his breath became unsteady.

"I don't know how to finish that sentence. I don't know what would be so goddamn different if I had known." He said punctuating each word by slamming on wheel with his fists in exasperation. "I wanted so badly to be there for both of my children. I still do, I love you both so much. I know I just destroyed you both. None of this was ever your fault, poppet." He finished miserably.

"I know." Hermione seethed through her teeth, unmoved by either of her parents gratuitous displays of emotion.

"That's good. You're a smart girl, Hermione. I'm so proud of you. Your mum and I both. I know she never says it, but she loves you. She has problems, too Hermione. We all did, this wasn't just Robert's fault. I won't ever let him near you again." Her dad said and flinched as he realized how asinine insisting to take care of the problem now was. Hermione predictably scoffed at the statement.

Her dad became sullen, it meant nothing to take action now after so much was done. "I know, I know you deserved better and I should have come up with something sooner. Your mother and I were in denial, I know. But he's sick, he's so sick, Hermione." He excused.

"Did you know he did it again last night, dad?" Hermione asked tearfully looking out the window.

"Yes." Mr. Granger admitted.

"Did you hear us screaming?" Hermione asked through clenched teeth, anger was overwhelming her body and boiled her blood, as the confession made the half-assed apology become an insult to injury.

Her father hesitated and more tears fell over his face. "Yes." He finally answered.

"Why didn't you do something?" She demanded.

"I'm so sorry. I hate that it happens." Mr. Granger was clumsily fumbling for words. He knew he wasn't very good at finding the right words, or consoling in general. Every thing he said seemed to dig him in deeper.

"Oh, so do I." Hermione said venomously, punctuating each word with a menacing bite.

"There are things that don't add up, I know. Mine and your mother's actions have been inapprehensible. In your life time things will come to light. It won't excuse our actions, nothing could do that. It's too late for me to say anything now. I'm so, so sorry." Mr. Granger explained stairing at his lap.

"You're right, it is too little too late. Can we please just get to the Weasley's? I can't talk about this anymore." Hermione insisted, turning away from her father who just nodded and started the engine.

Hermione dry swallowed a pill she pulled out of her pocket, her father watched on mournfully as she mirrored her mother's addiction. He shook his head disapprovingly, an action that was luckily unnoticed by his daughter. The engine whirred as he pulled off the shoulder and onto the road.

The drive took up most of the day and by the time they arrived at the Burrow it was nearly nightfall and Hermione was beaming at the sight of the tall wilting house. She could already imagine herself in her warm bed in Ginny's room. Finally able to sleep without bolting awake each time the wind blew through the house and watching her door all night. With the weight of magically sewed quilts embracing her in the warmth of her favorite disengagment fantasies.

"Wait, Poppet!" Her father said before she could leap out of the car. Mr. Granger pulled out a small orange bottle. "Your mum got some more of these for you." Hermione felt a twinge of relief. The less reasons she has to owl home the better.

"Owl us if you need anymore." Said Mr. Granger, timidly patting his daughter on the shoulder. Hermione casually shrugged his hand away, and jumped out of the car. Mr. Granger did the same, assisting his daughter with her trunk and Crookshanks. With a few of her items in tow, and the rest being lugged by her father, Hermione almost sprinted towards the burrow, happy for the first time this summer break.

Arthur and Ron greeted them. Hermione stuffed the bright orange bottle in her purse and practically flew to her friend, hugging Ron as tightly as she could.

"Good to see you, too." He laughed, hugging her back. He frowned as he pulled away, "have you been crying? What's happened to your head?" He asked gesturing to her puffy eyes, and gash on her forehead.

"No, I've had allergies lately. And I ran into a tree, it was dark I had had a few drinks with muggle friends I haven't seen in a while." Hermione explained, selling the lie she had practiced.

Arthur moved to help Mr. Granger unload her trunk. "Mr. Weasley! Could I perhaps talk to you for a moment?" Her father asked, signaling away from the children.

"How has your summer been?" Ron asked, picking up one of her bags and leaving their father's to chat.

"It's a lot better now." Hermione said, her voice was more calm. She felt like she was breathing for the first time in months. As if a tightly fastened plastic bag had finally been lifted off her head.

oooo

"Hermione!" Ginny squealed as she dashed towards her friend. The girls hugged tightly.

"It's good to see you!" Ginny beamed, and as they pulled apart, Ginny's brows knitted together as her eyes ventured upwards. "What happened to your head?"

Hermione touched the scab on her forehead, and pursed her lips as she remembered the lie she told Ron.

"It's good to see you, too." She deflected, but Ginny only nodded, and waited for an answer.

Hermione sighed, "I went out with a few of my old muggle friends and ran into a tree after one too many. Have you heard from Harry?" Hermione is good at lying. She knew to keep it simple, too many details were unnecessary and made the lies more difficult to memorize but being too vague rose questions. It also never hurts to completely redirect conversation.

Ginny shrugged. "Dad says Dumbledore is supposed to be bringing him here. Figured it was more safe, I suppose." She said without even realizing she had been manipulated.

"I suppose..." Hermione echoed surveying her friend.

"What?" Ginny demanded.

Hermione sighed. "Do you _suppose_ he's safe? I hate it when he can't owl."

Ginny nodded. "I know what you mean. No telling what those awful relatives of his are up to."

"How are things between you and him?" Hermione smoothly changed topics, she really wasn't too keen on discussing broken homes at the moment.

"Com'on, I've largely gotten over that!" Ginny groaned, a small grin on her face. "I'm seeing Dean anyway..." Ginny muttered, bracing herself for Hermione's reaction.

"I suppose you have, but I also think you wouldn't need to be wasting your time with Dean if you would just be yourself in front of Harry." Ginny rolled her eyes; she has heard this lecture before.

` "Really, Hermione. I am over him. I like Harry a lot, don't get me wrong. I just can't imagine dating him!" Ginny sounded genuine, and Hermione was surprised to feel a touch of relief at this.

"Mum wants us to help with lunch." Ginny went on. "Also, we're going to see Fred and George's shop tomorrow. They opened last week but we haven't been able to go yet. Honestly, I'm just thrilled to be able to use the toilet or have a chocolate frog without worrying about being poisoned or something exploding at me." Ginny said bitterly, but there was a small smile lurking beneath her sour expression.

"Sounds wonderful! I'll be needing to get supplies soon." Ginny opened her mouth to reply, but froze, abandoning her speech and staring straight into the kitchen. Hermione followed her gaze.

"Harry!" Hermione shouted, closing the distance between the two of them and hugging her other best friend.

"Hey, Hermione!" Harry wrapped his arms around her and she returned the favor by kissing his cheek before she pulled away.

"What happened to your head?" Harry asked. Hermione sighed and repeated the story she gave Ginny and Ron.

"Now kindly explain to me how you got here and why your clothes are wet?" Hermione demanded masterfully shifting everyone's focus.

oooo

"Tuck in, tuck in, we have a lot to get done today!" Molly Weasley sang, rushing Harry in particular to a seat and piling sandwiches on his plate. "You look so famished, do those muggles ever feed you? Sit, eat! You too, Hermione! You're nearly nothing, eat!"

Hermione gratefully ate her sandwich alongside her friends. Mrs. Weasley's comment had resonated with Hermione. She supposed she had a difficult time eating at home. It was nice to enjoy a meal without being fondled. The thought froze Hermione.

"Everything alright?" Ginny asked her friend.

Hermione made herself think of anything else, "just thinking of my assignments."

As the food disappeared, Ginny motioned towards the windows where Hogwarts owls were flying in the distance.

"Oh God!" Hermione stuttered, dropping her sandwich. "I hadn't even realized it was almost time to receive our O.W.L.'s! Oh no, I failed, I know I failed." It felt nice to worry about her school work rather than... anything else, she would think of anything else. Hermione waited, her leg bouncing eagerly as the owls landed on the window. Molly passed them their respective envelopes and as she examined her enclosed O.W.L.'s, she realized she was too nervous to tear them open. "Ron, could you..." Hermione asked, extending her packet out. Ron understood and obliged rolling his eyes.

"You got 10 O's in everything. Gee, fancy that." Ron's voice dripped with sarcasm, slight jealousy coloring his eyes as he handed his friend her results back. Hermione was able to let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

The remainder of the meal was spent consoling Harry, after finding out he'd failed to meet the requirements for Auror training.

Oooo

The boys and Hermione strolled through the cobblestone streets of Diagon Alley, purchasing their books for the new year. Hermione was supporting a black eye, compliments of Weasley Wizards Wheezes. To their credit, the twins did give her the paste to remove it free of charge. It felt thick and oily and uncomfortably clumped her eyelashes together.

 _I'm starting to look like a battered wife_. Hermione thought bitterly, brushing her fingers over the wound on her forehead.

"Will you guys wait for me while I duck into Ollivanders?" Hermione asked, producing her broken wand from her back pocket.

"What happened to your wand, Hermione?" Ron asked concerned at the sight of the fragments of one of her most prized positions.

"Well..." Hermione searched for an explanation reluctantly, hating that she would have to lie to her friends once more, before she was cut off.

"What a pleasant surprise! Weasel, Pothead, and Mudblood!" There was a communal groan shared by the trio at the unmistakeable voice.

Malfoy.

"Who beat you up, Granger? I want to buy them flowers!"

"Fuck off, Malfoy!" Ron barked, Hermione swatted his hand away from his wand.

"It's not worth it," Hermione whispered.

Malfoy looked like he was about to start something, but was pulled away by Narcissa. Harry and Ron looked as if they were about to tease, but Hermione tugged them both into the wand shop in a not so un-similar manner.

Ollivanders was piles of dusty boxes of wands stacked high amongst each other. The store smelled of moth balls and soot. There was a small crowd of eager first years waiting to get their wands. One small boy, with brown hair and crooked teeth, was getting patted down in an attempt to extinguish the fire he accidentally ignited with a wand that had clearly proven itself to not be a match.

After a while of waiting for the customers to thin, Harry started to look antsy. He was fiddling his fingers and worrying his lip as he gazed towards the door. Hermione suggested for Harry and Ron to go on without her, but gave a stern look that clearly said to leave Malfoy alone.

Ron huffed, but Harry thought the look was best not to go ignored. "We'll meet you back here in about half an hour." Ron said as he hurried off to get the rest of their school supplies with Harry in tow.

"Hello, dear. What can I do for you today?" Ollivander greeted warmly as the last first year in front of her darted out, still trailing smoke from the remainders his singed clothing.

"Well..." Hermione started, swallowing passed the lump in her throat. "I wanted to see if anything could be done about this." She laid the two halves of her wand on the counter. "I understand they're difficult to fix, but I had hoped…"

"Oh no! Who snapped it?" Ollivander interrupted, examining the remains of Hermione's wand.

"No one." She denied, perhaps a little too quickly.

Ollivander gave her an inquisitive look. "Of course somebody did. I can tell by the ends. This was a deliberate break." He argued innocently.

"Can you fix it?" Hermione asked, impatience shrilling her voice.

"I'm afraid not, dear. These are difficult to fix. However, I did receive a shipment of wands made from walnut. I think one might just be a good match for you. Give me a moment." Ollivander said, disappearing into the back.

Hermione tested wand after wand, but finally left with a 12 ¾ inch, walnut, with a dragon heartstring core. She walked out of the shop swirling ribbons of pink smoke that trailed into the air from the end of her new wand, she flicked her wrists around silenting uttering the inconsecential colorful smoke trails undetectable to the ministry of magic to get used to the new length. It did feel nice in her hands. It saddened her to have to let go of her old wand. She decided to hold on to the fragments for sentimental reasons.

"That one's nice." Ron commented, approaching her and suspiciously free of any textbooks or school supplies.

Hermione pocketed it. "Thanks, what are you two up to?" She asked eyeing the invisibility cloak in Harry's hands.

"We're going to follow Malfoy." He admitted bluntly, knowing she'd figure it out anyway. Rolling her eyes, she scrambled underneath the cloak, squeezing in between the two. There was no point in arguing. Harry would do it on his own no matter what she said, and it was best to tag along and try to keep her boys out of as much trouble as she could than allow them to go off on their own. Hermione smiled to herself. Things felt as normal as they could be. So much so that when Hermione went to sleep that night, she left the pills untouched.


	3. Child

Hermione woke up several hours early. She groaned at the glaring red numbers on her alarm clock. Sleep was futile at this point. It was 5 am and the thought of getting out of bed and getting dressed made her physically ache. What little sleep she got was haunted by Robert.

She shook her head trying to physically rid herself of those thoughts. She dug through her chest and unpacked her potions and benzos. Not using them tonight was a very stupid idea. swallowing a pill with an alertness potion. She readied herself for the day, and by the time she tied up her shoes she noticed an immense relief of her dread. As if heavy clouds of secrets, lies, and dissociative coping mechanisms were clearing away for a bright and shiney sun.

Her mind flashed quickly over to the 30+ xanax tucked away in her trunk, again. Hermione figured the extra hours to herself would be well spent after all. Hermione halfed a pill and took out a prepetuation draught she had been working on during sleepless nights over the summer.

She first read about the drought in her third year, she had picked up the specific potion recipe from a book in diagon alley. Though without practice, Hermione had done a lot of reading on potion alteration, and developed a theory when she saw it required ground horehound and ashweed extract, which was commonly fused with other substances, commonly cannabis or opiates, to prolong the individual highs. After doing some research on muggle benzodiazepams at home, Hermione came up with a theory.

She took one pill, and snapped the bar in half, disappointed that she could already feel her previous dose wearing off. Hermione popped it into her potion and the liquid hissed and turned purplebb. She tested her potion with a needle that dissolved as bsoon as it came into contact. 'Here goes nothing,' She thought and knocked back a gulp. She was surprised when the effects of the xanax hit her immediately. She glanced at her watch and realized 2 and half hours flew by during her experiment, though she allowed herself a few minutes to enjoy her brilliance.

"What is that, Hermione?" Ginny asked groggily. Hermione started frantically tossing her paraphernalia into a small old wooden box. "Nothing! It's for, heartburn!" Hermione muttered quickly. She cringed as she noticed her words were slurring.

Ginny lifted an eyebrow. "O...kay. Well, it's good you're ready. We're taking off to the platform.

00000

The train ride was pleasantly uneventful. Hermione spent most of it staring off into the window. It felt like it only took a few moments. She excused her behavior by claiming to be tired, and fell asleep while Harry ranted about his theory of Malfoy becoming a death eater. Ron brushed it off, and the two got into an argument as Hermione's eyelids slammed over her glazed dialated orbs.

She awoke and went through the motions of the feast. She had trouble paying attention to most things. Luckily, the excitement of new potions masters and the upcoming wizarding war were enough to distract her friends from her bizarre behavior. Hermione didn't remember being on the train, or at the feast, or the prefects meeting, or going up to her dorm.

In fact when she woke up in her bed in the Gryffandor girls dormatory she was completely perplexed as to how she got there. She knocked back a purple potion that was waiting for her on her nightstand, and saw she fell asleep in her robes. When she looked at her watch she realized she had almost missed breakfast and ran down the girls stair case.

oooooo

"Aren't you going to eat any breakfast, Hermione?" Hermione looked up from her potions essay revision. Harry was startled by the glaze in her eyes. His eyebrows were wrinkling his forehead in... concern?

Hermione's head lulled up. She had not anticipated her potion being so potent. If she wasn't so heavily sedated she would have chided herself for being so reckless as to take it on her first day of school. Hermione fumbled through her breakfast, and eventually spilled pumpkin juice all over herself and Ron. Ron and Harry exchanged glances as Hermione simply lazily stared at the mess.

Ron was stricken by his friend and stared at her staring at the mess.

"Scrugify," Harry muttered breaking his red headed friend out of his trance and followed suit repairing Hermione's goblet. "Hermione, what has gotten into you? You're acting like a complete loon. HERMIONE!" Ron yelled, his face turned red as he began to panic, she was nodding off Harry pulled her back from falling face first in her scrambled eggs.

"HERMIONE!?" Harry and Ron whispered harshly together but heads were beginning to turn.

"What do you suppose is wrong with her?" Ron panicked.

"Dunno, she seemed off last night, too... Do you suppose Malfoy has something to do with it?"

"Will you get off that?" Ron hissed, as he picked his friends head out of her porridge.

Harry examined her goblet and food, and suspiciously eyeing the passer by's. "This just doesn't seem right..." He said suspiciously, they were on either side of her and holding her up.

"Let's take her to the hospital wing." Ron suggested and began to help her get up when Hermione became lucid enough to understand her situation.

"I didn't get a lot of sleep last night!" Hermione began slurring quickly, her speech only alarming her friends more. "Really, guys please don't make me go," she pleaded. She knew she didn't want to go to the hospital wing but she wasn't sure she cared either way.

"Hermione! You can barely walk!" Ron hissed he and Harry began rushing her out of the great hall with her feet limping in between them before the breakfast crowd had gotten any bigger.

As soon as they got to an empty hall, Hermione begged her friends to let her sit down and not take her to the hospital wing and swore she would be better.

What's wrong with your eyes?" Harry asked, his tone softer than Ron's.

"I'm not sure? How do you mean?" Hermione asked.

Harry stopped and examined her, "you look like you can barely keep them open. They're dialated." He stated.

"Yeah, your eyelids are drooping. Are you still sick from last night?" Ron asked.

"I was sick last night?" Hermione asked, straining to remember. She resumed walking and stumbled quite a bit. Harry and Ron both caught her and exchanged glances. Hadn't she been so heavily sedated Hermione would have felt quite embarrassed. Is she just going to be an expose and sabotage the 6 years she's spent convincing her friends her life was perfectly fine, today?

"Hermione, you must have fallen four times. You had trouble speaking. You were nodding off then, too." Harry informed as the boys sat either side of her on the stair case.

Hermione responded by staring off into space.

"Hermione, what is wrong?!" Ron demanded, bewildered, as he helped Harry hoist her up.

"Hermione is there something you're not telling us?" Harry asked, he looked as puzzled as his red headed accomplace.

"No, no, no. I tell you guys everything, you know that. Please, breakfast is almost over and I don't want to be late for potions first day." Hermione cleared her throat, she was slowly becoming more alert. She noticed she had to pay quite a bit of attention to her voice, though. It sounded eerily like her mothers slurs. "I promise, I'm just quite tired."

" Hermione what's really going on?" Ron demanded, unconvinced.

"Nothing, nothing! Guys, I have really just been stressing over the revisions of all of my essays I wrote this summer! I'm very tired," both her friends looked skeptical.

Hermione, exasperated, poured herself into the potions class room, and trudged over to a seat. Harry and Ron sat on either side of her, still trying to put the puzzle of her behavior together in their minds.

"Everything is fine. Does your scar still hurt, Harry?" Hermione asked slurring lazily a bit as she tried to change the topic. Harry touched his forehead, curiouser and curiouser, this girl.

"Er, no. It hasn't hurt in a few weeks, Hermione."

"Right well, we can talk about it at lunch." Hermione said as Slughorn dominated the attention of the class room. Harry and Ron, seated flabbergasted at their friends bizarre behavior.

oooo

The trio were a little late to potions, as Harry and Ron kept having to escort Hermione, who, much to the boys chagrin, absolutely refused to be taken to the hospital wing.

When they got into the classroom, Slughorn took points away and told Harry and Ron to get text books from an old cupboard.

"Who is that guy?" Hermione whispered knitting her eyebrows together in confusion as she gestured towards Slughorn.

"Are you joking? That's Slughorn." Ron said

"Hermione, I told you guys all about him last night. You asked the same thing then." Harry said, he was starting to get more than a little afraid and started develope a theory in his mind involving a possible death eater and polyjuice potions.

The class ended before Hermione even noticed it started, but she seemed to be mostly unnoticed. She meekly followed behind her friends before they bumped into their old dungeons master Hermione's heart quickened. If there was a teacher she should be terrifed to be high in front of, it was Snape. Her former potions master absolutely would not take kindly to her being on drugs in school.

"As Harry may have told you, I will be seeing him once a week to train him in occulemency. I'm sure he informed the two of you of his connection with the dark lord." Hermione was certainly paying attention now and did not like where this was going.

"You're not going to read our minds? We have no mental connection with Voldemort!" Hermione panicked.

Snape snapped his head towards her, "better me than a _real_ death eater, miss Granger. When one does, and if you intend on continuing aiding Mr. Potter, as I'm sure you foolishly do, then you better know how to do this when that time comes. And it will. Legilimens is as routine in death eater interrogation as the Cruciatus." He warned. "After the feast, I will see the three of you. As you know, I don't tolerate tardiness." He stormed off his cloak bellowing behind him.

"I have to get to the library!" Hermione said and darted off through the hall before Harry and Ron could say or do anything.

Hermione spent the rest of Herbology at the library researching legilimency and occlumency. She was heartbroken to find the only way to thwart the spell successfully was months and years of practice. Tears fell from her face. What if he found her memories?

oooo

Hermione miraculously breezed through the rest of her classes without incident. cursed by her own genius, she had yet to be fully sober by the time lunch rolled around. She was able to form coherent memories again. It was jarring to her that she had forgotten almost an entire day. She decided to only take one sip in the mornings instead of an entire ounce.

How she would deal with Snape was also going through her mind, what if he knew about the drugs? Could she be expelled? Would he find out about Robert... 'Maybe just one more pill. Just for good measure. Snape was going to find out, anyway. She could function much better on just one, and would never underestimate how powerful they were again.

It was almost like the part of her brain which craved these tablets was a seperate entity from herself. Constantly nagging in the back of her brain and lying to her.

oooo

Hermione kept her composure going into the great hall and found a seat adjacent to her best friends who looked about as apprehensive about their situation as she did.

"Mate, I dunno how I feel about Snape reading my mind. What if I get banned from the quidditch team for using the Felix Felicis?" Ron said, panic cracked his voice as he started to worry about losing his position on the team.

Harry shook his head, "it was Dumbledore's idea. Hermione did you-HERMIONE!" Harry snapped. Both Ron and Harry motioned towards each other, as if to make sure they were seeing the same thing.

Hermione was nodding off in her tea and barely pulled her eyes back open. "Hmm?" She said lazily.

"Are you even listening to us? You've been acting since we got here!" Ron accused.

"Mad how?" Hermione pondered, her voice changed. She sounded as dreamy as Luna.

"You're nodding off." Harry pointed out to her. "You don't seem like yourself at all. I think maybe you should see Pomfrey. This is the THIRD time, Hermione. It has been two days. We're worried." He actually made sure he could spot Malfoy at the Slytherin table, when he spotted him he wondered to himself if anyone else could be impersonating his friend.

Hermione shook her head. "I'm sorry, I am out of sorts. I just haven't been feeling well and I'm worried Snape will kick me out of Hogwarts," she admitted honestly.

Ron and Harry laughed as if she had just made a joke. "Hermione, I think he'll be more upset with me cheating off you than you doing our homework. Even I'm not _that_ worried about it." Ron said.

Hermione started crying,"no, no. This is serious. What if he finds out I've been doing drugs here?" Harry spit out what he was drinking and Ron stared ahead in confusion before he started laughing.

"You really had me going, Hermione. Really though, what's wrong?" Ron asked, his grin falling from his face when Hermione didn't say anything.

"You don't do drugs, Hermione." Ron said flatly, before his face went pale, "You don't, do you?"

Hermione froze. Confession time? Well... maybe just partially?

"Are you really on drugs, Hermione? Is that what's wrong with you?" Harry's sentences got quicker as more and more dots started connecting.

"It's xanax. It's a muggle drug for anxiety. My mum got me a prescription from the chemist at my parent's practice. Maybe I won't be in trouble because they're mine? I don't even know if the wizarding world classes drugs the way muggles do? I mixed it with Prepetuation Draught. There's nothing about the legality of doing so in anything I've read. Hogwarts a History has banned several illegal potions, but that was centuries before benzo's were even invented." Hermione said, comforting herself more than her friends.

Ron was perplexed, Hermione had said dentists were teeth healers, what did they have to do with anxiety?

"Well, I don't know if he will kick you out for that. My aunt Petunia takes those. That would explain... everything." Harry said careful to not offend his friend. "Perhaps not take them before classes, Hermione?" Harry's tone was more passive than earlier but there was still a mothering undercurrent Hermione noticed. Still, she felt relieved and agreed.

oooo

They walked to the dungeons together, after the feast. Hermione was feeling a lot more lucid after eating. Harry suggested she had some coffee, which she was surprised to find countered her nodding off quite a bit.

Hermione smiled, she was surprised at how accepting her friends had remained towards her after finding out about abusing her medication this afternoon. Everything seemed so normal. Would they be as accepting about other things? She mused and tugged on the hem of her sleeve... no, not everything, she decided.

"I take it you all understand why you're here," Snape started, his voice cool and low. The three nodded.

"Legilimens, the act of magically navigating one's mind." He paused and looked at Hermione. He had expected her to interject to show off what she had read. He was almost surprised as she simply stared at her feet. "And it's counter. Potter, do you know what I'm talking about?" The question and Snape's gaze were aimed at Harry but everyone in the room looked at Hermione, who hanged her head silently.

"No sir," Harry said when he decided Hermione was not herself at all today.

"Occlumency. Magically closing your mind to penetration. All I can stress is that you keep your emotions to yourself. Fools who wear their hearts on their sleeves, idiots who cannot control their emotions and wallow in sad memories. Their minds will be penetrated with remarkable ease. I don't expect any of you to be able to thwart my power, let alone Voldemorts. We will start quickly. Granger, you first."

"Please sir, no." Hermione begged, her voice cracking.

"Foolish girl! Do you think a death eater would be thwarted so easily? Did you think I would? Collect yourself, Ms. Granger! Panic has no place in this art. I would expect you to know that!" Snape lectured coldly, holding his wand to her head. Hermione was hit and zapped by the light of his wand before she could draw and the spell went right through her foolish attempts to shield herself with her arms.

 _'You should have known better.' Her mind chided._

 _There was a bright flash and a happy 3 year old Hermione Granger giggled as her toys were flying in her room on their own as her parents frantically tried to ground them._

 _Another flash and a tearful sobbing 5 year old Hermione was being screamed at by her mother. "HERMIONE, TELL ME YOU'RE LYING THAT IS NOT SOMETHING WE LIE ABOUT! HERMIONE, YOUR BROTHER JUST LOVES YOU, HOW DARE YOU MAKE SUCH AN ACCUSATION YOU ARE NEVER TO TALK ABOUT THIS TO ANYONE OTHER THAN ME AND YOUR FATHER!-" the woman faded as the Hermione in the memory fainted. But the vision is jolted back awake being shaken, "AM I BORING YOU?!" screamed her mother._

 _A 7 year old Hermione disrobed in front of a acne ridden teenage boy._

 _"Remember what I showed you, last year? Our special game?" The young man asked, he closed Hermione's door behind them. "Want to play secrets?" He said getting on top of his sister whether she wanted to or not._

 _Another flash and Hermione was back in the bathroom at 16. Snape saw everything. As Hermione's brother pulled her layers of clothes off, and as he got on top of her, Hermione's pleads stopping all together, her eyes clear as glass boring into a wall as the light from them vanished into Hermione's fantasy world of escapism._

Hermione felt a jolt and oddly grew much colder as reality came back to her, she was shaking and sobbing. She never told anyone before. She did as her parents said, and expected that no one would even believe her, but what choice did her professer have but Snape wouldn't bring this up, would he? Is he going to make fun of her or tell Harry and Ron? Hermione looked at her professor who's jaw hung wide open his arm still outstretched pointing his wand to her, which he lowered shakily.

Ron looked between the two, and Harry narrowed his eyes at Snape.

Snape's eyes were wide and his eyebrows knitted together on his forehead as he tried to think of something to say, and he was frowning. She wasn't quite sure what to make of his response. Snape opened his mouth to say something but instead sat down and looked at Hermione piteously.

Hermione had to look down to notice her hands were shaking violently, she wrapped them around Harry and willed herself to stifle her sobs. Ron looked on her with concern and confusion, as Harry clumsily patted Hermione on the back. Having a silent conversation with Ron asking if either had a clue about what was going on. Harry and Ron did not need legelimens to know what the other was thinking.

They turned to Snape.

"What did you do?" Harry hissed, breaking out of Hermione's arms as he stepped towards Snape, his hand hovering over his wand.

Hermione thought her professer practically looked like another person. He was still as a statue as he mournfully gazed at Hermione, and his desk in front of him. It was a very grounding moment, Snape's loss for words were comfortingly humanizing.

"Hermione?" Harry said, pleading for answers as she started to sob more violently. Ron delicately placed an unsure hand on Hermione's shoulder. When she didn't reject it, he pulled her into a hug. She realized she was becoming quite hysterical, she wanted to stop herself.

"Hermione?" Harry tried again, more carefully "What happened?" He looked between her and Snape suspiciously.

"What did you do?" Harry asked their professer again, he moved his arm instinctively to his wand, which his professer disarmed swiftly and wordlessly.

"ENOUGH!" Snape shouted, standing up and earning silence from his students. The boys were still glaring daggers. "That's enough for today, I will see you tomorrow. Get out, you idiots! Ms. Granger, not you!" He shouted as Hermione had already thrown her bag over her shoulder and was turning for the doors before anyone else could get up. Her heart was beating thousands of times a minute.

"Hang on, we're not just going to leave her here," Harry defended, stepping in front of her.

"Noble as that may be, Potter," Snape drawled, Hermione felt the mood soften as her professer's shock wore off and he returned to his self. "I need to talk to Ms. Granger about her-"

"It's fine." Hermione affirmed, boldly interrupting Snape. He was raising an eyebrow at her and making a mental note to find another opportunity to punish her for cutting him off. Of course, at a much less delicate time.

She put her hand on Harry's arm extended in front of her and pushed passed his way. "I'll talk with him. It's, ok guys," she said softly.

Harry still looked unsure.

"We're waiting up, Hermione. You'll talk to us?" Harry pleaded, he had a feeling this would be difficult to drag out of his friend. Hermione has been able to hide a lot from them before.

Hermione sighed,"I promise Harry, it probably is nothing that you're thinking." Neither of the boys seemed consoled. Both of her friends stayed silent. "Okay, I'll explain tonight, just go," she promised.

Defeated they both turned to leave, Harry made one last glance between his friend and professor before he picked up his wand and vanished into the castle's empty hallways behind Ron.

Hermione felt herself start to cry again as the doors closed behind Harry. She absolutely refused to turn and face professor Snape again. She isn't even sure if she would be able to look him in the eye after what he had just seen. Her face began to turn bright red as she realized he had seen her completely naked in compromising situations. The thought made her sobs more violent.

"Ms. Granger, can I ask you to look at me?" Snapes voice was stern but was much less cold than usual. Hermione turned around to face him. Her cheeks turned red and she felt absolute mortification at the fact he had seen her naked.

"Ms Granger..." Snape started, he lacked the air of malice surrounding him fading. "Never in my years of teaching have I came across this situation. I never thought..." Snape may as well have been speaking in a different language. He had no idea how to confront such a serious issue so unrelated to spying or Voldemort. With one of Harry Potter's best friends, no less. Hermione failed to hold her gaze and ashamedly stared at the floor.

"Are you removed from this situation now?" Hermione wouldn't look at him.

"Miss Granger, this is serious." She still couldn't move her head up, it's like her face were poked full of fish hooks that were anchoring her gaze to the floor.

"If I have to assume you're still in danger I am a mandatory reporter-"

"No! Not now. Not while we're still so close to war, no one has time to handle a muggle domestic case, professer." Hermione spoke bold through her tears.

Snape's jaw would have dropped if he weren't so keen on his body language. It took even him quite a lot to hold back his threats of points deducted and detentions at her tone.

"I'll remind you of your place and who you're talking to, Ms. Granger! You are my student and I will not allow this to continue. I understand the world is a bit preoccupied, but that will never be an excuse to allow this sort of abuse to continue. I assume your parents know?"

Hermione nodded.

" Have you ever had some sort of medical attention or intervention from an adult in your life?"

"This is the first time that's happened, sir." Hermione started crying, "please, we can't prove this to muggle authorities. I have no idea what to do, either. I'm in my 6th year, just one more summer."

Snape bit his tongue, he felt disgust boil up inside of him, "if your parents are protecting your brother and allowing him to-" Snape stopped at the sign of his students lip quivering. None of his students have ever trusted him with intimate details of their turmoil. And they would normally be smart not to.

"I take my job as your professer and a mandatory reporter seriously, Ms. Granger. I have a responsibility for your safety as long as you go to school here. I won't tolerate one of my students being..." Snape trailed off and diverted his eye contact from Hermione as he shook his head.

Hermione nodded, understanding. "I appreciate your concern, sir. I have one more summer, is that really going to make much of a difference?" Hermione said forlorn.

Snape frowned, "I won't let that happen, Ms. Granger. It would be wise to stop arguing with me. I will talk to McGonagall. I encourage you to, as well." Hermione said nothing in response and with the conversation at a standstill Snape dismissed her.

"I think you should also should discuss this with Madam Pomfrey in the morning. Tell your idiot friends their lessons will resume tomorrow. Depending on what happens when I report your entire family, I expect to at least see you in about a week. If you're ever going to master this skill, you're going to have to stop wearing your heart and your problems on your sleeve. I will also advise you to never stand before me intoxicated again." He warned and nodded towards the door. "Ms. Granger," Snape said. Hermione turned around. "Take care of yourself." He said, almost softly.

"Thank you, professor," Hermione said. exiting the dungeons. Hermione couldn't help but laugh in spite of herself after she had walked a few yards away from Snape's classroom at the concern Snape had expressed to her. She supposed the old git's heart grew 3 sizes that day.


	4. Rabbit

**A/N** : Almost done, this is a pretty short story, about 3 maybe 4 chapters are left. I don't have a lot of direction other than the confrontations. I have a lot of ideas that I might turn into different stories but I'm not sure. It will depend on how this one does.

ooo

Hermione took a deep breath stepping through the portrait of the fat lady. As promised Ron and Harry were the only people left in the common room, playing wizards chest. Their game hastily abandoned when they spotted her.

"Well? What the bloody hell was all that about, then?" Ron demanded impatiently. Hermione stared ahead unsure of what she was going to tell them.

"Hermione, is this about Voldemort?" Harry asked point blank.

"No. It has nothing to do with the wizarding world," she answered honestly.

"Then what went so wrong that Snape interrupted a lesson and shoved us out of the room to talk to you alone?" Harry enquired incredulously.

Hermione started crying again and sat in front of them on the adjacent couch.

"Hey, Hermione, shh, come here." Ron said and they moved either side of her, Ron pulled her into a hug. "You know you can tell us anything, right?" He assured. Hermione let out a few more sobs. Harry followed Ron's suit and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Hermione, did Snape see something personal?" Harry asked, remembering his first lesson prior.

Hermione pulled out of Ron's hug and sat with his arm still around her and nodded on his shoulder. "I didn't know how to tell anyone so I just... didn't." She explained.

"Are you in trouble?" Harry probed.

Hermione stayed silent.

"Hermione, is this about those tablets?" Ron asked, dots connecting in his mind.

"Sort of," Hermione sniffed, calming down as she remembered how accepting they had been of that particular situation, they were cool about it, even. Maybe they would be understanding about the rest of it? "I don't know if he saw that or not. He might of been able to tell I was on something. I don't think he cared much, though." Hermione shrugged her shoulders.

"Then what _did_ he see?" Harry asked, trying to keep his patience with him, finding it difficult to believe that their potions master would not say anything to Hermione about being on drugs in front of him during a private lesson.

Hermione said something inaudible.

"What?" Ron and Harry asked in unison.

Hermione took a deep breath and repeated herself, "I've been raped."

For a moment you could hear a pin drop. "What?" Ron whispered, but Harry spoke over him.

"Hermione, I'm so sorry, I didn't know." Harry said.

Ron's face was frozen and his eyes were as big as dinner plates, but Hermione was completely mortified by Harry's expression.

He stared at the ground with his brow furrowed and mouth slightly ajar. His features fell down his face into a melting pot of emotions. It was like Hermione was witnessing his heart breaking, she felt her own shatter as well when she realized this expression was very familiar to her.

It was forever seared into Hermione's memory, and vaguely reminisce of that day of the third tournement.

Meanwhile Harry himself genuinely didn't know what to say or if he should have spoken at all. He felt a huge rush of guilt hit him in his chest. How did he never realize something like that happened to Hermione? Ron didn't think it ever even occurred to him that such a thing could happen to their best friend.

A question struck Harry, but Ron asked before he could.

"Who did it?" Ron demanded standing up, wand in hand, his voice low and dangerous.

"Sit down, Ron. He doesn't even go here," Hermione hissed.

Ron stayed standing, "I don't really give a fuck if he's in this school or Antartica, who did it?" he demanded.

Harry's jaw was clenched he remained silent and his eyes became slits. Hermione sighed and figured he also wanted to be privy to that information.

"I have a half-brother. He's from my father's side. He's 8 years older, his mother was often unable to care for him when I was growing up. She killed herself a few months ago. Since he's unable to care for himself and was just released from a half way house, he's been staying with us again." Hermione didn't want to look at her friends faces, their piteous gaze made her heart literally ache in her chest.

Her stomach churned and she felt absolutely positive she was about to vomit. She closed her eyes and willed that her friends would no longer be there when she opened them. She felt a reassuring hand placed over her own, though. Her breath quickened and she became afraid she would start to hyperventilate but felt another gentle hand rubbing her back. She breathed a bit deeper, and openned her eyes.

Harry's brows were knitted in worry. "He STILL lives with you? Did..." Harry paused and wondered if he should finish the question. "Did it happen this summer? What did Snape say?" He spoke his words in quick succession, and Hermione gazed at her lap and confirmed that it was his hand over her's.

"That he would make sure I wasn't going back home this summer." Hermione answered, ignoring his first question. Her voice was barely above a whisper now.

"What about your parents? Were you keeping this from them, too?" Ron asked.

"No, they've known since it started." Hermione said.

"And when did it start?" Harry enquired, unsure that he wanted to hear the answer. His heart sank deeper through his body as the story got worse.

"When I was 5." She said, matter-of-factly. They both gasped and Ron clasped his hand over his mouth.

"Jesus..." Harry whispered, shaking his head. "Hermione, why haven't you ever told us? We would have helped you," he asked.

"I just didn't know how, I wanted to deal with it on my own. There was always so much going on, and I didn't know what either of you would think. You had so many important things to worry about. You didn't have time to worry about me." Hermione paused her lip was quivering and she was determined to get through this encounter without anymore tears.

"I knew there was nothing that could really be done. I just didn't want either of you to know that I was so... damaged. I hate people knowing. I hate my parents knowing, my father can't look me in the eye, my mum just resents me for existing. I didn't know what to expect from anyone else knowing. And I was really afraid you wouldn't even believe me. When I was little I told my grandparents and one of my aunts. They definitely didn't believe me." Hermione continued her voice was cracking now.

Harry hugged her tightly, "Hermione, we'd never resent you or not look at you. " Harry reassured calmly and Ron nodded. "How dare you think that?" Harry's voice began to shake, "You believed me when I said Voldemort's back. You knew I wasn't lying about the Goblet of Fire because you looked at my face, and you know me. I know you, Ron knows you. I know this is so if you say it is. I am so sorry we never realized you were in trouble." Harry's lip quivered slighty as he finished.

Hermione lost control of her emotions at this point, and began sobbing into Harry's shoulder.

Ron put a hand on her back, "are all muggles child abusers?"

"Ron!" Harry snapped.

"No!" Ron shut him down and turned to Hermione. "You're seriously just going to sit there and tell us you've had a brother that's been raping you since before we knew you, _while_ we knew you and lied to our faces for 6 years? How could your parents allow this to go on so long!? " Ron was almost yelling now.

"Can you talk louder, Ron? I don't think Durmstrang heard you!" Hermione hissed quickly doing a silence incantation over herself and her emotional friends. She collapsed on the couch when she was done and sobbed as her friends witnessed her fall apart.

Harry put a protective arm around her, and flashed Ron a look over her shoulder, "Shhh, It's all right, Hermione. Ron, calm down, you're not helping anything."

"No one's helping much of anything at all! Are we just going to let her keep doing drugs, lying to us, and going back to that house? We are doing something about this, aren't we Harry?" He seemed to be begging his friend for a solution.

"Of course we are. We owl Dumbledore in the morning-" Harry began, but Hermione interjected.

"NO!" Both of her friend's heads snapped towards the outburst. "Harry, I'm not jeopardizing anything Dumbledore is doing at the moment." She reasoned.

"Then how do we fix it?" Harry asked helplessly.

"I've been asking myself that for a very long time, Harry. It's sort of the same thing as your aunt and uncle. We just have to deal with things sometimes. Snape insisted on reporting, anyway. Maybe it is over. But we're not putting the world in danger for something I can deal with. " Hermione said.

"You can't 'deal with it', I'm not letting you! It's not right, I don't accept that. You can't just keep doing drugs and letting this happen to you. We can't let this happen now that we know, do you understand that? You need us, and you need help." Harry replied, and Ron nodded.

"We need to get to bed. There's no point in exhausting ourselves. There's nothing we can do right now," Hermione reasoned.

"Hermione we can't go to bed, I don't even know that I can process this." Ron said.

"Me neither," Harry agreed.

"I'm sorry. I never wanted you to find out." Hermione said she broke their eye contact again, she felt like she was standing in front of them completely naked.

"I'm glad you told us, I hate that it's happened, and I don't like that you felt like you had to keep this from us." Harry said gently.

"How was I supposed to bring it up? I can't just throw it into conversation." Hermione said somewhat exasperated at defending her silence already.

"Well, I think you knew us well enough that you didn't have to lie." Ron threw in, his voice becoming a bit more normal as he slowly came to terms with the situation.

"I didn't lie I just didn't tell you," Hermione reasoned hottily.

"In second year I asked if you had any brothers or sisters," Ron shot, his voice was not unkind, but he was much more stern than Hermione's ever heard him sound before.

"Well, I didn't want to mention my baggage yet." Hermione explained as if it should be obvious.

"So you wait for years? What happened to your forehead?" Ron asked, still as serious as he's ever been.

Hermione paused, and she considered the question. "Ron, please..." she started.

"Who were these muggle friends, Hermione?" Ron interrupted he still felt as though he had to get his point across.

"Ron, that's enough!" Harry bit.

"I'm sorry," Hermione said she was sobbing again and absolutely felt like she hated being alive she wanted xanax and a shower. This is was the last place on earth she wanted to be right now.

"No, Hermione. You have nothing to be sorry for, I just want the truth." Ron admitted. He wasn't sure what the honesty would do for him, but he still searched for closure for the millions of questions racing through his mind, for whatever reason it stopped at this one.

"My head hit the sink," Hermione admitted.

Harry thought back to the lie, and grimaced audibly as he realized what she had probably covered up. His heart sunk further into his stomach as his attention turned to the cut on Hermione's forehead and he realized it looked so very recent.

"And how did that happen?" Ron croaked, his expression mirroring Harry's.

"Ron, stop it, do you really want to know?" Hermione asked, shooting him a miserable expression.

"I do and I don't... I really just want to hear the truth," Ron admitted, his gaze turning to the ceiling in hopes gravity would prevent his tears from falling.

"We don't need to put her on trial, Ron!" Harry shouted, his voice sounded pissed but Hermione didn't think he was angry with Ron.

"I went to brush my teeth. Robert was in the shower." Hermione's sentences were short and choppy as she struggled to get them out through her sobs.

"I will fucking kill him." Ron growled. The thought that she had come to his house with evidence literally on her face that he completely overlooked just made him feel furious at the entire world.

"Can we please talk about it tomorrow?" Hermione begged.

Neither of her friends budged and both were staring at the carpet, trying to think of something to say. "I have a sleeping drought upstairs, I can grab one for you both," she added as an afterthought.

"I'll take one," Ron spoke quickly.

"Me too, thanks," Harry said barely above a whisper.

Hermione descended up the stairs and returned with two blue smoky potions the boys knocked back quickly.

"Everything I said tonight stays between the three of us."Hermione said darkly.

"I'm not promising that." Harry said. "I won't tell any of our friends, but we're going to find you a way out of this, Hermione. I promise."

Hermione sighed. She understood, she really did. On numerous occasions she's tried to get Harry to report his aunt and uncle. She agreed. And said goodnight to her friends.

They both hugged her again and went up their stair case, and she undid the spell around the common room she took out a purple potion of her own making and drank the entire ounce in one gulp.

oooo

The next few weeks continued without much incident to Hermione's knowledge. She had gotten a bit more cautious about when she was taking her pills. Admittedly she resented this and only did so to avoid conflict from her friends who were now very hyper aware of her situation and diligent to stear her away from her pills. . She was trying her best to keep herself together, but every time the owls delivered mail Hermione's breath caught in her throat.

She half expected a letter from her mother furious at the confession. she used to lecture about not telling snape worried snape has told is too mortified to confront him about the issue

Meanwhile, Snape's side way glances, McGonagals awkward approaches to try and speak to her, and Ron and Harry's constant questions on how she was feeling were absolutely driving her mad.

Feeling a bit more reckless this morning, Hermione popped two pills as soon as her eyes were open. She sighed as she readied herself and descended down the stair case. Hermione was reluctant to greet her friends and feared another confrontation. On that thought she ran back to her dorm and took a rather large gulp of her prepetuation drought. Harry and Ron made a few attempts to stear their conversation's to Hermione this week but she masterfully directed the conversation towards the Half-Blood-Prince's book.

Snape was also a topic of her concern. He hardly acknowledged Hermione, but she knew he wouldn't have said he would report her family and not done so. Hermione shuddered. If she had to go back this summer, what would her family do? Were they going to find out she told? Would they understand it wasn't her fault? Would that make a difference?

She put on her best fake smile as she spotted Ron and Harry midway, and her grin seemed to melt on her face as the benzos metabolized while she stalked down the stair case just in enough time to trip over the last step.

Ron and Harry were intently watching the stair case anticipating Hermione's descension. Their day of worry and over-compensation beginning at their friend's proven inability to hold things together. Her facade falling down with her body at the last step.

"How are you, Hermione?" Harry asked carefully helping her up.

"Good, you?" Hermione said, she kept her tone casual but struggled to mask her slurs.

Harry sighed, he and Ron shared a sad look, "No, I mean _how are you_." Harry said carefully.

"I'll be fine, please guys quit hovering over me. I told you I don't want either of you pitying me." Hermione said, her voice croaking.

"No, Hermione! I promise it's not like that. We do feel bad. We're just afraid of you shutting us out again." Harry reasoned as they walked through the doors of the great hall.

"I know you don't like talking about it, but it's been weeks, and I can't pretend it hasn't happened anymore!" He continued exasperatedly.

"My parent's have pretended it hasn't happened for 11 years, it can't be that difficult." Hermione snapped and flashed a glance over to the teachers table. She saw Snape and McGonagal talking amongst each other and she swore McGonagal's gaze met Hermione's and her teacher mournfully shook her head.

Harry and Ron followed Hermione's gaze. "I'm sure if anything comes of it, they'll talk to you." Harry reassured as the three sat down.

As their breakfast began Ron and Harry began to wonder if they should point out to Hermione what was off about her this morning. But her half-lidded eyes and clumsy attempts to go about her meal were hauntingly familiar and Harry sighed.

"You said you weren't going to take any more of those pills before classes, Hermione?" Ron said flatly, taking the statement from Harry.

"I didn't know how else to come down stairs this morning..." Hermione said honestly.

"Hermione, we want to help you. We're really worried. Don't think we haven't noticed you've been on those pills. We can always tell. Please, please don't keep things from us anymore." Ron said, desperately grasping at the correct words to maintain damage control. But Hermione supposed such words just weren't in his vernacular.

"Oh my God, get off my back for a bloody minute!" Hermione snapped. "Didn't I seem fine last year? Or the year before that? I know the pills are relatively new to you guys, but you know what? Robert fucked me the morning before I went to the Weasley's third year, and Ron you certainly didn't want to kill anyone for me then." Hermione hissed and Ron's complexion rivaled the red of his hair, Harry dropped his fork disgruntled and sadly looked at his plate.

"You've seen me on xanax before. Fourth year I nicked some from my mum last christmas and you both saw me on them at the Yule ball so I could stand dancing with another guy. I've been doing this for a while and alone just fine almost my entire life and I'm sick of both of you treating me like a wilting flower." Hermione scathed at the end of her tirade.

"We're just trying to help," Ron whispered pitifully.

"Well I don't need your help!" Hermione bit back.

More accustomed to bickering with Hermione than helping her Ron easily fell into their usual schtick."You prefer to to sedate yourself stupid, then?" Hermione snapped her head up, and narrowed her eyes at him. Ron had no idea what dangerous territory he was treading on with that statement. "I don't think smiling with your friends right after being raped or having to drug yourself to tolerate another guy dancing with you is dealing _just fine_ at all." He snapped mocking Hermione's voice.

"Frankly Hermione you're scaring us. We've never dealt with anything like this before. We've never seen anyone fucked up on pills. I don't even think I've known anyone who's been raped. If you'd take a moment to stop shitting on us and popping your pills, maybe you could see we're doing the best we can!" He was almost shouting and Hermione was nervously surveying the other students starting to pile into the great hall.

"Ron, shut up.." Hermione tried to hiss, but she was having trouble keeping up with the majority of the conversation, and what words of his managed to pierce her intoxication made Hermione feel incredibly guilty. She has been taking her friends foregranted.

"Look at you, you're nodding off again. Are you even listening to me?" Ron said, and Hermione noticed he didn't sound angry anymore just... defeated.

"Ron, quit being a prat. She's right, we were too absorbed in our own problems and never realized our friend was in trouble." Harry chimed, picking at his food miserably.

"So we're just going to ignore the fact that yesterday she didn't even realize what day it was and how she passed out in potions. You think heads are turning now Hermione? What about you slurring your answers to Slughorns questions in front of the whole class yesterday and falling over your desk." Ron said, his voice was oddly calm and he was speaking to her as if he was scolding a child. Hermione paled.

"I what?" She whispered.

"Of course you don't remember that, do you? You were drooping off into your breakfast just like you are now. Saying that you were fine your were fine all through lunch and by the time we walked you to potions you fell over your desk and made a huge scene. We had to convince everyone you mixed up potions, we had to enlist Ginny to help us sneak you into your dorm. We're lying to people for you, Hermione!" Ron was almost shouted.

Harry stood up. "Ron we said we'd talk about it later, come on, let's find somewhere to talk about this." Ron agreed, and pulled Hermione up and led her to an abandoned corridore.

"The entire school is talking about it, she was going to figure it out." Ron said defending his outburst.

"Ginny knows?!" Hermione cried miserably.

"Just about the pills." Harry said trying his best to sound comforting.

"God, what does she think?" Hermione asked.

"She was as shocked as we were when we found out, but she helped you anyway. A lot of people care about you. We can find a way to help you with this, if we just explain the situation to Pomfrey I don't think you'd get in tro-"

"NO!" Hermione shouted to cut Harry off. "Just let me grab an alertness potion!" Hermione said shuffling through her bag, "it counters the effects." She explained.

"We're gonna have to figure something out, eventually. Class is starting soon." Ron said, feeling like he just lost another battle.

Harry sighed, and they began to stood up, but noticed McGonagal approaching them in the corridore.

"Ms. Granger? A word?" McGonalgall said gesturing for Hermione to follow her as she shot her friends a worried look.

Ron and Harry stood waiting to be asked to tag along, but McGonagall looked unsure. "Ms. Granger, would you prefer your friends accompanied you to my office?" Hermione seemed to give it some serious thought before she nodded. She wasn't sure how much more news she could bare breaking to them herself.

ooo

"Mr. Potter, Weasley, perhaps it would be best to sit outside for a moment?" McGonagal said, still by the door to her class room.

"Talk when you're out?" Harry asked.

"Why don't I just meet you after class?" Hermione asked softly, "Thank you for walking here with me."

McGonagall thanked her students as well, waving them off and closing the door behind them. She gestured for Hermione to take a seat and followed suit. Hermione began to think this was more than a request for her to speak to muggle authorities. After carefully judging her professor's solemn expression Hermione asked,"Who died?"

"Your father." McGonagall said solemnly.

Hermione stayed silent as she gazed toward the ground her world seemed to stay still. She was vaguely aware of her surroundings and she wasn't sure who the ache in her heart was for. She wasn't sure if she should blame herself, her father, her brother, or Snape. She wasn't sure that she should blame anybody. She felt her lip quiver and cursed herself for being so weak. Hesitantly, McGonagall continued.

"Professor Snape was underwhelmed with the muggle authorities so he and I approached the ministry who allerted your family that they were under investigation." McGonagall explained her composure slipping through cracks and waves in her voice.

"How did he do it?" Hermione asked softly only a small sniffle accentuated one or two of Her words.

"He... hung himself, Ms. Granger. I'm so very sorry, Professor Snape also offers his condolences." She added, and placed her hand over Hermione's. Hermione simply nodded and released herself from the physical gesture.

McGonagall slid her hand from her desk back to herself and continued, "it's very difficult for wizards to meddle with muggle affairs. He did tell me about your situation, I am also deeply sorry about that, Ms. Granger. If I'd known... well..." she was a bit shakey now, and casted her eyes upwards. She seemed like she was having a difficult time composing herself. "I'm so deeply sorry." Hermione felt a bit guilty. She had a lot of respect for her professor and felt like it was her fault she was sad.

"I can excuse you, and Mr. Weasley, and Mr. Potter from your classes for a week. Your mother sent the information for the funeral. It's in a few days as the ministry and possibly muggle authorities are investigating. I'm not sure what's going to come from an anonymous complaint but his suicide is damning. I'm apprehensive about allowing you to go to the funeral..." McGonagall trailed off and her eyes briefly glassed with tears.

"We have made contact with the Weasley's. Arthur Weasley said he has already made arrangements for you to stay with him. He mentioned your father spoke about keeping you over the summer already. The ministry is going to discuss an appropriate action to take against your brother. It's probable your mother will also be charged with negligence. Ms. Granger I'm so sorry that I never realized." Her professor sounded sincere.

Hermione offered her a sad smile. "It's all right, professor, I tried carefully to make sure no one did," Hermione consoled. McGonagall nodded and made up 3 permission slips. "You'll need support with this situation. Do you intend to go to the funeral?" Hermione got up. She honestly wasn't sure herself.

"Perhaps..." Hermione thought aloud, "If Ron and Harry could come with me?" She asked.

"We have the address and time of the services, if the three of you are not back by then, I will send Snape after all of you. This is a situation that must be handled delicately. Muggle affairs are sensitive, I know the nature of you three solving your own problems but please leave this to adults." McGonagall cautioned and Hermione nodded her head. "Yes professor," Hermione stood up and McGonagall placed her hand over hers. "I'm so very sorry this is happening, Ms. Granger. I'm so sorry that I have to add, but... The ministry requires a Pensieve to proceed with the case. "

Hermione nodded.

"It's just a formality!" McGonagal said quickly, "It's very difficult for wizards to bring muggle crimes to justice, but hard evidence of... of what's happened. It will more or less give the ministry the go ahead, I don't know where he will be sent or what will be done, but you deserve justice, Ms. Granger." McGongal said and sounded very convincing.

"Thank you professor, I'll think about it." She started collecting her things.

"Ms. Granger, I must insist." McGonagall continued.

"I'll think about it." Hermione bit quickly, McGongall was slightly taken aback as Hermione certainly has never spoken to her like that before, but she let it go.

"Please do, Ms. Granger. You deserve justice." McGongall repeated herself again but Hermione remained silent.

"May I please be excused?" Hermione tried again.

"You may... come to me or Professor Snape should you decide to go through with the pensieve. Something will be done, Ms. Granger I'll see to that." McGongall assured.

"I will professor thank you."

"Take care of yourself, Ms. Granger." Her professor said as she exited the room.

"Oh, I will," Hermione muttered closing the door behind her.

She turned her heal and exited the classroom, she was sure to pop a few pills before facing her friends. Hermione honestly wondered if she could do it after just two, the counter potion completely eradicated the euphoric effects and she honestly really liked not remembering the majority of her day. She decided 3 would be a good bet... And a half.

ooo

Ron and Harry were waiting for her as soon as she got into the common room, Hermione sighed and approached them. She was about to half-heartedly chastise them on skipping classes but no matter how high she was, Ron could identify the beginnings of a lecture before they started.

"Save it," he warned, half-teasingly. "You can't expect us to concentrate after everything we found out last night, what's going on?"

Hermione sighed and handed them each their excuse slips. "What's this for?" Harry asked.

"McGonagall took pity on me for my situation, I suppose she thought I needed support." Hermione slumped into the same couch she sat on when she revealed the secret that, she thinks, ruined her life. "My dad killed himself after Snape allerted authorities. McGonagall is allowing you to come with me to his funeral and take a week off as well." Hermione said, callously clinical as her friends flashed each other looks.

Oh no, Hermione thought, how many times are they going to have to see her world crash around her this year?

"That brother of yours going to be at his funeral?" Ron asked darkly. Harry debated chastising his friend but looked on at Hermione, curious himself.

"You have to promise not to say anything." She begged them.

"We can't promise that," Harry said.

"Then I will go by myself!" Hermione countered.

"We're not letting that happen, either! Hermione, we will try to respect your wishes, but you have to understand where we're coming from. Ron and I will escort you to the funeral but I better not see him even look at you funny!" He bargained.

"Fine! It's Wednesday at at 2. He was cremated shortly after, and the service was postponed do to the investigation." Hermione's words were starting to slur together her eye lids got heavy and she struggled to keep them open towards the end of her sentence.

"How many of those tablets have you taken?" Ron inquired

"Er, three... and a half." Hermione admitted

"You're going to the hospital wing." Harry said, flatly.

"No! I'm sorry, I don't know why I keep being so weak this year." Hermione cried.

"you're not weak, Hermione," Ron consoled.

"Look at me, I can't handle a conversation with my best friends before popping a xanax! Everything is falling apart. I can't stop, I just want to sleep forever." Hermione admitted pitifully, a wall of inhibition lifted with the familiar pleasant tingle in her chest.

"Hermione, I understand that you're going through a lot. Please stop being afraid of us, it won't hurt us to help you. Until we hear from Dumbledore, we're going to concentrate on this situation. Look, I've even put the ruddy half blood book away." Harry said showing his hands her finally free of that stupid thing. "Please just stop shutting us out, I'm begging you Hermione, that's the only thing you could do to make this situation worse." Harry pleaded.

"And if you keep popping those bloody tablets." Ron added.

"Not now," Harry snapped.

"It's becoming a serious problem, Harry! Stop enabling her!" Ron hissed.

"Where did you hear that word?" Hermione laughed in spite of herself, she was beginning to feel a lot more bubbly and open as she was swallowed by the effects of her benzos.

"Well.. we didn't know what to do. We've felt really bad about not being there for you and letting this get this bad. We went to the library while you talked to McGonagall and read about... addictions." Ron admitted.

"You think I'm an addict?" Hermione was surprised, she's never really considered this herself.

"Well, are you?" Ron bit.

"We're not mad! We were just worried." Said Harry, correcting his friends harsh tone.

"I love you guys... I'd honestly rather fight Voldemort right now, though. Please, can you just walk me to my dormitory? A lot has happened and I just want to sleep. I promise we can talk about it later, but we've already talked about... so much." Hermione drawled struggling to keep her eyes open.

Harry frowned, it made sense. He wanted to confront Hermione about her problem. More so than that he wanted to wrap his arms around her and never see her hurt like this again. But he understood better than Hermione might think. Harry could tell by Ron's expression he did as well.

"We love you too, Hermione. We'll walk you to your dorm, we'll get your coursework for you as well." Harry said, he understood Hermione was struggling to cope, and he knew she needed them now more than ever.

"I'm sorry about your dad." He added lamely as an after thought.

All Hermione could do was shrug.


	5. Ox

**A/N:** I've been working pretty hard at this and I have about 2 more chapters. I'm pretty disheartned by the response. Or lack thereof. Editing these are more daunting than writing them out was. That was my only intention, to just write out some of the story I've had in my head for several years. I usually hate when authors whine about no reviews and what not. I think this is the last chapter I'll post. I'm not sure if I should just abandon this or not.

000

The morning of the funeral McGonagal apparated the trio a block away from the funeral home

"Professor Snape will escort you three back at the end of the funeral. Are you sure you don't want me to come with you, Ms. Granger?" Mcgonagal asked kindly.

Hermione shook her head. "I'll be fine, Harry and Ron won't leave my side, I'm sure."

Hermione took a breath before she entered.

"You all right?" Harry asked concerned.

"I'll be fine, let's just make our appearance. This could get very messy, I don't know if it's a good idea." Hermione whipped out her pill bottle, "I can't go without one." She admitted."

"I dunno if we can, either." Harry half joked, but he narrowed his eyes at his friend, "just one."

Hermione nodded. "I promise half for each of you won't do much." She said, extending her hand.

Harry hesitated and Ron was surveying the wake.

"Which one is he?" Ron eyed the mourners darkly.

"Who?" Hermione asked.

"Robert," Ron said through clenched teeth.

Hermione spotted him in a crowd and could see him narrow his eyes at her. Ron and Harry followed her gaze and met her brother's unbeknowest to her.

"Is that him? That pock marked pedophile in the corner?" Ron asked, Hermione stayed silent and her friends each grabbed a pill from her hand and popped it in their mouths.

They were approached by a wobbly woman in her early 40's who sat down in tears next to her daughter. Hermione joined her at a table and nodded at Harry and Ron to follow. "How could you Hermione? We were taking care of it as a family." She asked sorrowfully making a show of her tears.

Ron started to stand up from the table and Harry's jaw dropped. "Are you serious?! How could you let your daughter get raped for 11 years?" People gasped and began to murmur.

"Don't make a scene." Hermione begged.

"No, she's not going to blame you for this." Ron said. Harry was silent but looked upon Hermione's mother with a glare so hateful it was alien to Hermione.

"Why did you come, Hermione? Look at the mess you made!" Her mother said.

Harry and Ron both made a move to speak but Hermione tugged on their shirts to pull them back, "It's not worth it, you two. Mum, I never wanted this to happen you know that."

"Goddamnit, Hermione! You had one more year! Was it worth tearing this family apart?! Are you happy now? Do we not go through enough." Her mother said.

"Jean, you're at your husband's funeral, control yourself!" Hermione's grandmother chided.

Ron and Harry stared murderously at her mother as other mourners came to chastise Hermione's mother for her behavior.

"This was a disaster, I just want to see my father one last time and leave." Hermione said, grabbing her friends hands and leading them into a room with her father's ashes. She had prepared a note stating she had forgiven him.

Harry sighed sadly, this entire week his heart had been breaking for his brilliant friend. His shoulders weighed heavy knowing the world has been paying so close attention to his problems that his poor friend had been overlooked completely for the past 11 years.

He thought of all the times Hermione had been by his side, and all the times he thought she was unimportant. His heart sunk a little deeper to his stomach and he promised himself he was going to see her through this. No matter how ugly this got, he knew he and Ron would never leave her side now that the proverbial cat is out of the bag.

Hermione surveyed the urn, and took out her letter. Harry peeked at the cursive laden parchment she placed on top of the urn.

 _I forgive you._

It was all it said. Harry placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and Hermione kissed her fingertips and placed them on the cool metal material. She stood up and nodded at her friends and walked towards the door leading to the rest of the mourners.

She put her letter of anger and forgivness in the casket and gave her father another look before turning back to her friends sighing. "Let's go before-

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" Hermione jumped 10 feet in the air as she felt a hand on her shoulder Harry quickly pushed his way in front of her and Ron joined as she clasped a hand over her mouth, not wanting to attract mourners who were all trying to stifle the scene Hermione' smother was making and argued over who was going to drive her home.

"Don't speak to her, you're not stronger than us." Ron warned darkly, Robert narrowed his eyes at his sister. 

"STOP! _Do you want to have to obliviate the entire wake_?" Hermione chastised Ron as he pointed his wand at robert. "This is enough! I paid my respects let's leave!" She demanded.

Ron and Harry felt like cement when Hermione tried to tug them away. They were both narrowing their eyes at Robert with their wands raised. Hermione felt panic as her mother barged in. She had been jogging after her step son.

"Mione, Robert, please... This is my husband's funeral don't do this. Don't make a scene." Hermione's mother pleaded, Harry slammed the door leading out of the room and placed a chair in front of the door knob.

"No please, not 's go," Hermione begged.

Ron started to turn away, and Harry made a move to lower his wand.

"Looks like your boyfriends are jealous," Robert said his voice cocky and patronizing. Ron didn't wait for another excuse before he laid his fist hard into Robert's face.

"RON!" Hermione screeched. Her first thought was to run away and remove herself and her friends from this situation. Her second thought was that she was of age. Hermione looked back at her brother who was in a full on fist fight with Ron. Hermione muttered a silent incantation before anyone else's attention was caught.

Hermione stepped towards her brother Ron had just pulled off of him. He was bloody and his face was swelling. Ron was panting and shaking, Hermione has never seen Ron like this before. She cringed at the angry monsters she was afraid she turned her friends into at this moment.

Hermione watched Robert fumble to get up, "oh... oh, you think you're tough now that you have your little boyfriends to back you up?" He said desperately. "Hermione, you're better than that, you can't hurt me."

"I warned you, not to fuck with me when I turned of age." Hermione said coldly.

Harry and Ron were both taken aback, hearing such an obscenity from Hermione's mouth almost made them feel like they've never heard that word in their lives.

"You're going to leave me alone, Robert," Hermione demanded lifting her wand in his direction.

"Come on, Mione. Where's my sweet innocent baby sister that used to love me so?" Hermione remained like stone unwavered at his pitiful manipulations, and that pissed Robert off very much, "with the sweet, sweet pussy." He added getting up and staring directly into Harry and Ron's eyes challenging them.

Red sparks were flying out of Harry's wand which he was pointing at Robert.

"Sectumsempra!" Harry yelled and with a slight crackle the red sparks from Harry's wand formed a beam that hit Robert directly in his chest and his skin broke apart as if he was just stricken with several invisible piano wires. Robert screamed at the sight of his blood.

"I told you not to mess with that spell, Harry!" Hermione screeched and began to panic before there was a loud pop of apparition. "We can't kill him!" She panicked.

Harry and Ron looked upon Harry's victim apathetically. Harry pulled Hermione away from her brother and hugged her as she hid her face in his chest.

Hermione's mother looked on the scene horrified, she was completely scared out of her theatrics, and there was a loud pop of apparition.

Snape stood before them and examined Harry's victimwho he immediately recognized from Hermione's memories that was likely to scar his own forever. He pulled his wand out, without a single word he knelt by Robert and softly sang a spell Hermione recognized as Vulnera Sanentur.

"Professor, please. He antagonized us, I shouldn't have done this myself. I know this is very-"

"Silence, Granger!" Snape interrupted Harshly.

"Hermione, please! I'm sorry I teased you, I just love you. Please don't do this to me!" Robert begged.

"You will be silent! I know exactly who you are and what you did, I do not tolerate abuse towards my students. We can make the world forget about what we do to you," Snape threatened menacingly, he extended a hand to his students to apparate them away.

"Is this how you get to the top of your classes, are you fucking your professors, too?" Robert shot, deliberately staring at Snape who made a dramatic swooping movement with his wand and Robert was knocked back down and withered in pain. He huddled in the fetus position as Snape let up the silent curse. Hermione recognized the same angry gleam in his eyes he had when he dueled Lockhart in their second year.

Robert sputtered, and groaned as he tried to regain his composure. "Are you lot allowed to do this? Attack innocent people without the ability to defend themselves?" Robert said. He was shaking violently and coughing up blood. He moaned again and struggled to even pick up his head. Hermione scoffed and Snape lifted his wand back up causing Robert to recoil in horror.

Hermione got in between them. "Robert, you've taken everything from me! Everything! You have no idea who these people are, you have no idea what they're capable of and they're just here to defend me from you! You completely destroyed my life!" Hermione yelled, Ron and Harry looked on carefully.

All three wizards had their wands drawn and she could hardly recall a moment when Harry and Ron looked so murderous. Robert was even debating whether or not he should keep smarting off but was beginning to see sense.

"Obliviate!" Hermione shouted pointing her wand at her brother's head.

"Hermione what is wrong with you?" Her mother whispered through her tears. "Why have you started all of this?" She pleaded.

Everyone's attention turned to Hermione's mother as she finished her spell on Robert. She drew her wand back and pointed it at her mother.

"Put that thing down and talk to me! I am your mother! What did you do to Robert? God, Hermione don't make a mess. It's just us. Talk to mummy, baby." Her mother pleaded.

"Hermione, please. We're family." Mrs. Granger tried again when Hermione was unmoved by her begging.

Hermione lifted her wand and whispered the incantation again, reducing her mother to a blithering mess on the floor next to her brother.

"What are we going to do?" Ron asked, his voice was cracking a bit.

"I suppose it would be very cruel to leave them both here to their own devices. They will operate mentally on the level of infants for several hours and when they come to, they won't even know who they are. It would be very cruel to leave them here like that, indeed." Said Hermione. Snape simply extended his arm again. The three friends took it and apparated out of the funeral home with a loud pop.

ooo

"Ms. Granger, suffice to say I suppose this situation is resolved. I don't ever want to see that spell used again, Potter." Snape warned him darkly and Harry simply stared at the ground.

"I don't know how many laws we all broke, professor. I'm so sorry it was a mistake to bring Harry and Ron. I don't think I know what I thought would happen-"

"Stop it, Ms. Granger. The situation resolved itself, and I see no need to go on reporting the incident. I wouldn't want a documented use of a curse I invented, regardless."

The three gasped. "You mean-" Harry began only to be cut off by Snape.

"That's right, Potter. I am the half blood prince." Snape sneered as he turned his cloak to exit the corrider. The trio started walking to their own common room, exhausted from such an eventful day.

"Are we going to talk about what happened?" Harry asked and Hermione started crying as they approached the portrait of the fat lady.

"It was a disaster..." Hermione said.

"I thought it went quite well," Ron counteredbb.

Hermione laughed in spite of herself, Harry put an arm around her and they took off to their common room.

"Are we going to talk about what happened?" Asked Harry as the three piled onto their favorite couch.

Hermione reached into her pocket and cupped her fingers around her pill bottle. "I think I'm all talked out, Harry. I just want to take a shower. Harry nodded, and Ron squeezed her shoulder. Hermione turned to leave but ran back to her friends first and hugged them both tightly. They hugged her back and watched her descend around the corrider.


End file.
